Hey guys, So I want to start this off with saying I'm so sorry for being spotty on here and on my youtube as well. When I first started this blog I believe i was pregnant with my now 2 1/2 year old. I wanted to have a place to express myself on whatever I believed. To share real honest reviews, and just talk about things that others can relate to. In no way is this supposed to be a negative post so please keep reading.
First I want to state that sometimes your dreams look so far away, but that doesn't mean quit. Sometimes things just need to be put on hold for a little bit. Sometimes life and the unexpected happen, but you can't help that.This is what I've had to do on and off the last couple of years, and there has just been so much going on. There wasn't enough time i felt to even relax before having to go to sleep for the next day. Now things finally feel like they're calming down, and that i have a moment to breathe, to gather my thoughts together.
So with that I want to take a moment and tell you guys whats been going on for the last year, and why I haven't been very bubbly or open with anything. Anyone who knows me I'm not one to really share how I feel or even whats bothering me. I want to give in detail why I haven't written in so long, or even wanted to make a video or really anything at all even.
Lets get this started:
To be Honest being a mum can wear you right out especially if you are a stay at home mom, whom barely leave the house without her family. I wouldn't trade this for the world, but people need to understand that most of the time I really don't feel like doing anything because I've been up early. My daughter gets up between seven and eight thirty every morning, most days so full of energy i don't even know how to deal with it until I've had a cup of coffee.
From the moment she wakes up until she takes a nap that day she is on the go, and so am I. She will play in her room or like some days will follow me around the house while i'm trying to clean the bathroom. I love being a stay at home mom, but sometimes you just want time to read a book, or write on your blog. Honestly it wasn't till now that I've wanted to write anything because i just didn't have time.
I love being a mum, but I want to be that mum that my children look up to so i want to be more. So with all the craziness going on a vow that I'm going to take more time for myself, but I also want to post more family activities as well because that's my whole world. I wouldn't trade a moment of it.
Reason number two:
I've had a series of what I would call tragedies happen in this last year. I've had friendships lost, family pass, and just bad cases of luck. These are the things that we can't always control. and I wanted to write about these because they have had a pretty big impact on my life this year. This is a big factor of why I haven't really wanted to put my life out there for EVERYONE to read, but honestly I'm okay with it at this point.
Friendships I can't say we have all had similar experiences, but for those that have you'll know what I'm talking about. So you have that one friend who's on again off again, sometimes you can do nothing but make them happy then there are times there is NOTHING you can do. Well, I've had that experience and it's hard because they have been one of your longest friends/ I was told when i was younger that friends would always be there, but i was also taught that not everyone is meant to stay in your life. Both are true, I'm not really friends but I don't hate this person. It did hurt when I broke it off, and I cant tell you if it was a good idea or not but for now it's what I need.
Family passing, this is a big one and it is still fresh but I want to put it on here. I recently lost my cousin kevin whom has been there for me since we were kids, he always knew the right things to say. He was always the one with the best advice, someone I could relate with on just about everything. No one was a close to me like that, and losing him this year has taken a huge toll on me, but the last week I've done some soul searching. I've been thinking about all that advice Kevin had taught me, and now I think it's time to do what I think he would approve of.
I'm going to live my life, I'm not going to be scared, I'm not going to hold back, and I'm going to do the things I want to do in life. YOLO= You only live once. Kevin loved this saying because it was brought to life by a singer we both loved *Mitch Luker* Kevin always lived doing what he loved even until the end, and you know what It's time to do the same.
The last point here is everyone gets stuck with those "bad" luck days where it seems like everything that can go wrong is going to go wrong. This is how September has felt. just like everything I did was wrong. It felt like I'd get ahead and be pushed back further than where i started. I don't feel that way so much, i don't feel as stressed about life because it's calming down. It's quiet, I can think again.
I was sad, I was depressed, and to be honest maybe a little mean or distant from others. Sometimes when things go wrong I just want to give up because I feel like I'm just going to keep being beaten down. September was a horror of a month for me, but I want to turn everything around this month and make it better. I want to do things, i want to express myself, I don't want to be scared of others thoughts about me. I just want to me.
To conclude this post:
So this is whats been going on in my life, this about sums up the big parts that happened. So this is me vowing to all of you on my personal blog, I want to be more active and more social. I want to express myself, I want to live my life to the fullest. I promise to blog more, to post more videos, and just try to be there more for people. I also have some ideas That I'm going to post in another blog, but we will save that for another time.
I didn't want to leave you guys in the dark, and maybe you could see where I'm coming from because it really didn't feel like my thoughts, dreams, and even life mattered to anyone. Even if no one reads this, I'll still feel okay because I've found a way to open myself up anyways.
Thank you for listening.
Xo- Courtney H.
